l guess l have food issues, l go from over eating to fasting. l hate myself when l over eat and feel best about myself when fasting.

l had a tooth removed on Monday and my mouth is still sore. l can't bear the feeling of food in my mouth, it feeIs too sore to chew.

So l am feeling pleased with myself, l know the longer l fast, the easier it becomes (I an overweight at the moment).

However this is supposed to be a new phase of honesty with my T. l am so wanting to hang on to how l am doing now and am scared about talking to him about this. l am scared of eating, scared of T asking about food, scared of losing this control l have right now,

l want to be honest with T, but my head is telling me to lie, telling me he won't understand how it is for me, but l am worried about looking thinner, of being discovered-

It all seems so ridiculous when l write it down, not rational, yet it sounds so loud and clear in my head