I'm worn down & worn out. I got up this morning & wondered how long my legs would carry me. I took my morning shower, shaved & did all of that stuff. Then I took the dog for his morning walk. But it all just felt like a monumental task. I wondered how long I could keep going.

I don't really feel as though I'm any more depressed than usual. I always have this low-grade cloud of depression surrounding me, with suicidal thoughts lurking about in the background. I spend too much time telling myself I wish I would just die. But those thoughts & feelings are always with me. This feeling of being absolutely drained of any energy at all is sort-of new. I mean to say, I never have allot of energy. But I'm also not used to feeling like a wet dish towel either.

I've begun thinking perhaps I should go in to see a doctor. (One other than my pdoc.) On YouTube, I subscribe to a channel named: "Bignoknow". The uploader on this channel: Noah Thomas, is a young man who has low testosterone, along with depression, anxiety, etc. (It's a great channel. Check it out!) Anyway, being that I'm in my 6th decade, it has occurred to me that I could well have low testosterone too. Perhaps I should get it checked.

But wait! There's a problem. I'm an old non-transitioned tranny. The last thing in the world I would want to do is receive testosterone therapy! OMG! So anyway, I don't know what to do. And I don't have a T any more to discuss it with; not that this would make any difference anyway. So I thought I would post my problem here in the Depression Forum on PC. After all, maybe I am just depressed & feeling like a wet dish towel is just the result of that. I don't know. I guess the good thing here is that I am now retirement age & I live in a townhome complex. So, other than walking the dog, there's not much I have to do, other than reply to posts here on PC & watch YouTube videos.