Thank you so much innerzone. See what's happening right now is that my husband is starting to actually address issues that have plagued him for many years, things he talked about since the beginning of our relationship seven and a half years ago, but things he denied, covered with marijuana or alcohol or anger or most recently opiates. He has always had bad anxiety stemming from some childhood traumas but he has never addressed it and now he is, and from my own experiences I know it has to get worse before it gets better.

But I am in te clutches of an evil depression and I don't know what to do. I am willing to try Invega but the doctor says I must come off geodon and I cannot come off geodon and stay safe. My brain is showing me terrible things that I can resist if I don't forget my morning dose but if I do forget it I get mired in my mind. The worst part is I know where to get the most current form of destruction and I don't think it would be too hard.

I'm hanging on by my fingernails at work. At least I have confirmation that I do indeed have a job next year and that I do have a job for the summer even though I would prefer to do the partial program instead. There are six days left until school is out. Really, I think I can do that. It's not so bad when all I'm doing is showing a movie or two.

Thank you everyone. I'm so glad I have all of you. This is a non IOP night and of course hubby has NA and he was highly anxious today so he needed to go. I am spewing hate and vitriol in my mind (this is an evil depression after all) so it's best I sit alone. I can at least keep it together for my son. I mean I'm just sitting on the couch like a limp rag doll but at least I can work up a smile and not yell at him.