So, in about 2 weeks it'll be 5 months since my ex left me and I haven't exactly gotten any wiser.

As someone who always helps others, gives the advice that aids them with moving on and getting better - but never taking it myself.

I come to you guys, seeking help.

We spoke a bit after the break up, but it didn't last because I wouldn't be able to move on while staying in contact, so I left him a long message explaining why and deleted him, removed him, blocked him from everything.

This is about 3 months ago and until a few days ago, I was doing OK. I was moving on or trying to, taking my mind off things but I still missed him and still do miss him.

I get these periods, where a memory somewhat completely overtakes me, I feel it reply, I feel what I felt in that moment and it's nice but scary too. A kiss, I feel as if it just happened and I get the butterflies and everything...

I don't know where it comes from, because I feel that I'm in no way suppressing these feelings. I don't think about him all the time, I can focus on something else.

I feel more than ready to move on, but it's like my heart doesn't want to.

I fear I may be on my way to become one of those crazy ex's who's in denial and who tries to keep holding onto the past.

I don't want to turn crazy.

And I'm starting to realize that a part of me may be holding onto an old picture of my ex, that the last day I visited him, may have been the day he knew he was going to leave me and that he didn't love me anymore.

And I lived in this illusion of what we were.

I just really fear that I'm turning myself into this insane ex.

I'm not wanting to contact him, but I miss him.

How can I move on? I'm really trying, so so so hard.