It's always been difficult to talk to people, so i never really have. So this may seem like a jumble of words, but i will do my best to explain. For the past 6 years i have been fighting with depression, as well as some other illnesses. At one point, i went to a counselor, but for some reason, i couldnt let myself tell the truth. The fight has been a rollercoaster, but lately, its just bad. I knew i needed to fix something because if i dont, i will lose everything. I lost the ability to control myself under pressure, i pick off my skin, il grab anything i can to inflict some type of pain. I've never really understood why, maybe because its something i can control directly in a time where everything seems so chaotic. I usually with have suicidal thoughts every few hours or so. At one point, i called it quits. I immediately fell on the floor, started to convulse, and then blacked out. Since that time i have made 2 more attempts, each failing (obviously). Ive been losing control lately, im miserable, everyone sees that im miserable. My girlfriend, i can tell, is starting to resent the person i am. I cant help but feel hopeless when everything around me is burning to the ground. I would like to be happy, there is nothing else that i would ever want. Im stuck before the first step.