It is definitely exhausting, and I feel I am certainly guilty of not only using a facade, but mastering it. A few weeks ago I had to attend a cousin's graduation party. The day before I was in bed all day unable to function really because of all the noise I was thinking about. I decided that despite the horrible pit I was buried in that it was absolutely essential that I be there for my cousin. Unacceptable to not show.

I ripped myself from my bed, showered, got dressed, stalled a bit getting caught up in a marathon of River Monsters, and then hopped in my car and drove over to where I knew there were a lot of people gathered. To make things worse, a girl that I had developed some feelings for was there as well, a friend of my cousin.

My point being, at the end of the night her, and everyone else, would never have been able to pick out that there was anything wrong with me. I socialized with everyone, even my little "crush" and for a short while I was invincible.

It takes an enourmous amount of energy and focus to maintain the happy face routine, but I can still pull it off. Do I want to have to use it? Heck no. For me I can force it around family most of the time. There are cracks in the armor, but for the most part I can hold my ground and pretend like nothing is wrong, and it is very deceiving.