I'm really sorry that you feel so awful. I sometimes feel the same way where I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep, not doing anything, not thinking anything, and I wouldn't mind disappearing from the world. But then I tell myself that my family would never get over the pain if that happened, and that keeps me going. When I was first depressed, it took ages for me to even start getting the help I needed, so I can relate to how you're feeling. Healing is slow.

I hope you get the help you need. Good luck.