I was married to a Military member for 28 years.

Deployments are tough, along with the stress of moving a family all over the world, getting used to new cultures, new languages, setting up households, finding a job, if you can, low pay, lack of support networks, away from family, friends.

I was afraid to say anything to anyone, because at that point it's a career ender, they dont make rank, either by being ordered into anger management programs, or court martialed. When his First Sargent actually witnessed an act abuse by accident, he was ordered into anger management, and given a reprimand, making his chance at becoming a senior enlisted just about zero to nill, he turned in his papers and got out...guess who got the brunt of that move..

Overseas there were wives who would have their ID cards taken by there spouse as punishment, basically making them a non-person, because again if you report it, it only makes it worse. Mine did that to me over in Germany, left me stranded in the middle of the night, on a road, in the rain, miles from the base..I was literally paralyzed on the highway, not able to move, because either way, it was only going to get worse....I had other wives tell me that their spouse took their ID cards away too, basically leaving them unable to get access to healthcare, commissary, Base exchange...again the arguement of well there are agencies in the military to help, just go ask, the military has a very low tolerance for lack of dicipline.

When you become a spouse of an active duty member, there is a reason they call you a Dependent. My spouse was in a high stress field, high security clearance, short and long deployements overseas, long duty days, at times 24 hours, they cant talk to you about it, they see and experience horrible violence, they cant vent at work, there suppose to suck it up, and it spills over into the family life, how can it not.

My father was active duty, a pathological gambler, who was court martialed after he shot someone trying to rob a Motel over a gambling debt. My step-father was a Vietnam war veteran, who was a drunk and beat my mother unmercifully, and me too if I intervened.

So I guess, Yes, I know how extensive DV is in the military....watching the world from the inside looking out, feeling alone, hopeless, and trapped..all because the choices you have make it impossible to talk to someone until you have no choice..and once there out of the military machine..my experience has been, they carry the inability to release the stress of their experiences..