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purplemoon said:
Hey guys - I know I go away and then come back - please forgive me. I have many issues. Anyhow it seems as though I am at a crossroads in therapy. Our session took a new turn today, and I was a complete idiot. I don't know what to do. This last year in therapy has been very crisis ridden. There have been so many changes in my life - it is nothing like it was a year ago. In therapy we have been dealing with the crisis' and the changes. The changes would never have come about without therapy - they are a direct result of therapy. Anyhow today I was telling my T about the most recent developements and T was so very happy and there I was - just there. I should be happy - I am not, I just want to get on a plane and go far away - there are a lot of positives that should make me happy going on in my life and I just am miserable and want to go far far away. I told T this today - he thinks it is time that I begin to share my thoughts - I am scared to death. I couldn't even speak, it was horrible. He told me that if I wasn't comfortable with him he would refer me to a female. It isn't him. I can't even hardly look at these things let alone talk about them. I could never ever start with someone else. I know it is time to open up but I am so afraid. What if he decides he doesn't want to do this? What if it is too much for him. I am so afraid to and yet I know that I have to. How do I explain this to T. I don't know where to start or what to say. It was a huge leap for me to tell him that I haven't been doing very well the last few weeks. I am so confused. I have to wait a whole week to go back. It is so hard for me to get through a day. I can not even imagine if I did not have T to go to once a week. I don't know if any of this makes any sense. I am so devestated. I am so afraid.

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This all makes perfect sense to me. I totally understand what you are feeling. I'm going through it myself right now. I have done as you, made some small strides in telling my T how I feel but we're stuck in a cycle.

What did your T mean about if you weren't comfortable with him, he would refer you? See, this to me is not the way to handle the relationship. My T said something similar not long ago that he would support me going to someone else. I wanted to say, gee thanks. He knows how hard it is for me to hear anything like that from him.

I wonder do the T's suggest that as 'technique' or is it because they aren't sure what to do??

I don't know if I am helping you here but I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in what you are feeling...

How long have you been with your T?