Quote:
Originally Posted by Nat92
So, in about 2 weeks it'll be 5 months since my ex left me and I haven't exactly gotten any wiser.
As someone who always helps others, gives the advice that aids them with moving on and getting better - but never taking it myself.
I come to you guys, seeking help.
We spoke a bit after the break up, but it didn't last because I wouldn't be able to move on while staying in contact, so I left him a long message explaining why and deleted him, removed him, blocked him from everything.
This is about 3 months ago and until a few days ago, I was doing OK. I was moving on or trying to, taking my mind off things but I still missed him and still do miss him.
I get these periods, where a memory somewhat completely overtakes me, I feel it reply, I feel what I felt in that moment and it's nice but scary too. A kiss, I feel as if it just happened and I get the butterflies and everything...
I don't know where it comes from, because I feel that I'm in no way suppressing these feelings. I don't think about him all the time, I can focus on something else.
I feel more than ready to move on, but it's like my heart doesn't want to.
I fear I may be on my way to become one of those crazy ex's who's in denial and who tries to keep holding onto the past.
I don't want to turn crazy.
And I'm starting to realize that a part of me may be holding onto an old picture of my ex, that the last day I visited him, may have been the day he knew he was going to leave me and that he didn't love me anymore.
And I lived in this illusion of what we were.
I just really fear that I'm turning myself into this insane ex.
I'm not wanting to contact him, but I miss him.
How can I move on? I'm really trying, so so so hard.
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You've used the words "insane" a couple times in your post. My question to you is why are you convinced that missing someone and having a hard time moving on equates to insanity?
I'm here to tell you that it doesn't at all come to that. Being alone after a relationship, especially a long term one will have residual effects that tend to remain for awhile and yes, the memories, the feelings will come up from time to time. Thing is you may be doing well and something may trigger, remind you of something to do with the ex and you'll get stuck thinking about it. We are emotional creatures and driven by our senses. A scent, a feeling a visual picture may conjure up things years after a break up that just make us reminisce about that. There is nothing wrong with it and on top of that you won't be able to wipe out this person 100% from your mind. Give up on that idea becuase, it WILL NOT HAPPEN. Unless you suffer from amnesia of some sort, our memories are built on good and bad things in our lives and there is no easy way to wipe specific memories from our brains.
So what to do? Accept it. missing him, does not necessarily mean you're insane, wishing it turned out better and never happened is natural. Dwelling on it and letting it immobilize you will be bad for you though. So the distinction here is accept the memories as good ones, observe it, appreciate it and then... just let it go. It's a passing moment.
I get the feeling that if you are having trouble and feeling stuck this is where the problem lies, you're reminded of soemthing of the past with him, and you ruminate, dwell on it and it in turn spirals you into depression, anger, sadness or what not. Try to just do what I mentioned above and don't keep thinking about it or you will drive yourself nuts.
