I think it is great that you were able to get away from the dysfunction and chaos and
have all this time to reflect and have some quiet as you do so.

I can't blame you for being anxious about going back home where all that dysfunction
is taking place either. It is quite possible that you will be triggered and what will still
be the same is how the others in that environment will fail to support you or understand
how their behaviors can be disturbing to you.

I think the only real way to do that is to have a good therapist there that can help you, and to be able to establish a "safe" place for yourself that allows you to have space
away from the dysfunction so you can continue to work on your healing.

As far as this boyfriend who loves you but doesn't understand how you are challenged
and how you have all these questions about how you can "know" if he is the right partner for you or not, well, that is not going to be known until you have had enough
therapy and time to sort out the core issues that challenge you and get to a point where
you understand "you" better. We can't have good relationships with others until we
have a chance to understand and "self relate" better.

You are not alone with needing time to yourself so you can get a handle on all the things that have been overwhelming you either. You need not feel guilty if you are not ready to make a decision about this young man that says he loves you either. The truth is "you honestly do not know" how to move forward with him either, and there is no use
on even trying to do that until you have time to sort out yourself.

The "truth" is that there is an endless supply of dysfunctional families and an endless supply of individuals like you that come to a point where they need to step back and
have some time to sort themselves out and figure out what "they" want in life. However, you have PTSD, so that means your own attempt to step away and have
time to sort yourself out will be more of a challenge. Because of that you will need
to have space and a good support system available to you. There is nothing wrong with needing that either.

So, my advice is "if" you have to go back into that dysfunctional environment, you need
so make sure you have your own space and you also need to be able to tell this boyfriend that you need that space and you really cannot give him answers right now until you have time and help to work on "yourself" first.

You are right, the people in that environment are only going to continue whatever they
are doing that is dysfunctional. You are going to have to learn how to no longer have
that affect you, and that takes time and space and support.

(((Hugs)))
OE