Hi,
Where to start?...
I'm almost 50. I am the product of a teenage marriage that didn't last. I lived with my mother & grandparents & 3 stepfathers. Not all together, of course, but through time.
My mother did not want me or my 2 brothers.
I went on to have 4 husbands & drug abuse problems.
This last marriage is wonderful. We have been married almost 15 years.
I have 2 daughters & he has a son.
I was not a good mother. But...I have a great relationship with 2 of my kids. I have asked forgiveness & have, for the most part, received it.
My problem is my mother. And to some extent, my father.
My mother is so cold to me! She abused & neglected me all my life.
She told me just last year that if abortion would've been legal in 1957 I would not exist.
I cannot get over this! My father is dead. I never really knew him. I looked his name up in the phone book & called him when I was 24. He was a freak! He ended up forcing his tongue down my throat. Needless to say, I never bonded with him & we went our separate ways.
I have started to abuse prescription drugs again to kill the pain. I was very active in NA & AA for years, but pain is just too strong.
I don't know how to stop the pain. My family just can't help me. They all hate my mother,too, but just tell me to "get over it!"
"Let it go!" Don't give my mother the satisfaction of letting it "get to me".
How does one go about achieving this???
If it were only that simple!
I have BC/BS & feel it's time to call for help.
What kind of therapy do you think I would benefit from?
I want to make sure I get the right person.
I am very adept at hiding just how sick I am from my family, but this is killing me.
My family hates "victims". I try really hard NOT to be one, but it's all too much.
Can you give me advice on how to start the therapy?
Thanks!