Nine year olds are not civilized. Don't make the mistake of judging yourself then by adult standards. That has nothing to do with evil.
Your T won't abandon you nor change their perception of you based on that if your T is in the right career.
Let me challenge you to work harder when looking for a counteracting example, something to refute the idea of you as evil. If you haven't thought of one, you're not trying hard enough.
Have you posted a supportive message to anyone here? Ever been kind to someone in person? Said a prayer for someone who needed it? Done a good deed or random act of kindness? Or even just NOT hurt someone when you had the chance? Those are all the opposite of what an evil or bad person would do.
Come on, Ambra, pull for yourself!