Dear InRealLife, I feel bad for you and wish I could give you a hug to help your hurt feelings.

I hope you can avoid giving into your vindictive impulse. Self-hatred ... it's a terrible soul-killing state of mind. When push comes to shove, this isn't about your T's bad behavior, it's about you and your feelings and actions. This whole thing is a big disappointment. My feeling would be hurt if I were in your shoes. I'd probably feel rejected and abandoned, even if I knew I'd been so needy that maybe I'd brought some of it down on my own head. I'd still have hurt feelings.

But no hurt feelings would ever be worth doing something I know would fill me with self-hatred.

I happen to belong to an ethnic group well-known for it's love of revenge and honor and all of that ****. Self-hate is just not worth it. I'm not going to kill my soul for anyone. Please keep talking about this here. Get it out, tear it apart, analyze it, turn it around and look at it from all sides so you can figure out how to avoid hating yourself for going Godzilla on your T ... just for hurt feelings. Not worth it.