So I asked my husband for a timeline of his use of pornography because he has been insistent that he hasn't been using since Christmas. I however have evidence that he has been actively using via facebook (which is the only way he can access it at work because they have blocking up... I had no idea that stuff was even accessible on facebook) below is his timeline. And I have pages of proof that he's lying. I'm so sad and mad and befuddled. The lying hasn't stopped!

"Nov/Dec Movies on the secret phone.

Mid/Late Feb Hit a wall in recovery, looked at bikini clad women online at work for a few days. Disclosed to group.

Late march/april extremely hard to stay sober. I think we talked and I had asked that we come closer and that I wanted to work towards getting out of the doghouse/other bedroom because of the difficultly I was having. I fantasized about you after that, Later I watched some garbage on TV, wasn't pornographic as you said. Porn for me is about a smiling face that makes me feel good about me and so I in that regard it absolutely the same thing. It isn't even really about the sex at all. Porn is just a more reliable and steady source than the crap on TV. I believe around this time you met with Anthony to discuss my slip.

April Made plans to have a date night. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a Emma themed meal/movie time to work on being together. The morning of we both agreed to move it to another night because of the kids. Major trigger. I recorded the crap on the TV while you were gone in the afternoon. You received the text meant for my accountability partner.

Separation- Masturbated to fantasies about you a few days after the meeting when you said you were leaning towards divorce. During the separation I did briefly look at porn for 20 minutes, felt sick to my stomach, wanted to vomit, no erection. Did not touch myself at all. Contacted accountability partner and have disclosed to group. Have not had struggles with wanting to look at it since. Main issue has been not fantasizing and objectifying you to medicate.


I do view fantasizing about you and acting on it as a break from sobriety because it is not real even though they are all memories. It is my brain trying to get it's fix and the way for the devil to get in the door. My triggers I included because I want you to know how relational my struggle is. Do not take it is as blame. I am responsible for my actions in choosing to do what I have done. To use an example I have heard before blaming you for my acting out would be the same as hitting you with a car, getting out and yelling at you for denting my fender while you lay there bleeding out with every bone in your body broken from being blindsided."

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