Yet another night of insomnia.... I am so exhausted, but my mind just won't shut off. All these disconnected thoughts just bouncing around. All these worries. This constant battle in my mind that never seems to cease. Years of "what if's" and desperately wishing I could somehow go back in time and make different decisions (as though if I wish long enough or hard enough it will happen...). Constant suicidal ideation. Loneliness...and yet wanting to be alone. My feeling are so contradictory they confuse even me. I'm so tired all the time. I have no energy and barely function through the days. I'm so tired of this life. I've been stuck in this pattern for so long that I don't see any 'light at the end of the tunnel'. When I think I can't sink any lower it seems the abyss somehow pulls me in even further.