I am TERRIFIED of being abandoned. Absolutely petrified that once people get to know me, they will hate me and leave me. I am constantly on the alert for any signs of potential abandonment so that I can prepare myself. I can never relax in the company of others. I'm convinced that one wrong move, one wrong word, and that will be the end of everything good.

And yes, I also relate to the flip side of that, where I want nothing more than for my T to tell me she is sick and tired of dealing with me and has decided she is wasting her time and is done, and then just throws me out without another word. Sometimes, I want that so much because I know she will abandon me eventually, and it's more painful the longer she waits. It's so horribly messed up, but I don't know how to not think like that.