Thank you so much everybody. You're all right in what you say and I guess I'm just really stressing myself over the whole thing and that I keep pushing myself and backing away.

Perhaps I was a bit too quick to just move on and not allowing myself to heal naturally, not allowing myself to "mourn" - because yes, it is a loss like death, I guess.

This guy, I invested 4 years of my life in - sure he did give me a reason, but he didn't explain it at all, so I'm just full of questions and concerns and worries and doubts... And it's an endless circle I sometimes feel stuck in, because I feel that I've been misunderstood, that he didn't understand what I meant and what I felt.

God knows I loved and still love that guy to pieces, because to me, I felt like I had found my soul-mate, we were beyond amazing together, when I allowed myself to be happy.

The problem was me, I couldn't let go of the past, of my hatred towards myself and my fears and it ruined everything for me and him. But now, now that I've been working so hard on myself to be better, to let go - he's not there and it just makes me so sad.

I feel like I've won a war but there's no one waiting for me to return home.

He was my best friend, my only true friend, my soul-mate and the love of my life.

And he's gone.

But I know I can't just stop living, I'm still alive and I have to remain so, I have to live on.