I feel like I have seen this from both sides.

When I first met my boyfriend, he was working for a company (his own) in the process of failing. This was right around the time our economy collapsed, so jobs were hard to get. From my perspective, he didn't seem to be looking hard enough. He didn't seem to be doing anything during the day besides read political websites. I figured he was depressed and offered encouragement... to the point of nagging.

A few years later, I decided to take my own break from working. Now I get what he was going through and regret all the nagging I did! After a lifetime of ambition, I suddenly understand non-ambition. We both pay our own way during out non-working times, btw. Neither of us would feel right supporting the other fully.

Your wife may be depressed. She may be enjoying herself. Staying home doing nothing is extremely pleasurable. It's not really 'nothing.' I garden, cook, read, clean, etc.

Have you talked with her about your feelings directly? What is her response when you tell her that you are concerned about her lack of ambition or that you don't want to support her lifestyle?

I would start to focus on your own feelings rather than on her choices, if that makes sense. You can't make her become an ambitious person or the kind of person who wants to do something with her life, but you can figure out how you want to deal with being married (or not) to someone who has such a radically different world view from your own. If you think counseling is warranted, go for it, even if she doesn't.

When one person (whatever gender) loses their job just as soon as they move in with their partner -- that's a really huge red flag for me. You aren't a bad person because you don't want to pay all the bills by yourself. It's one thing if it's a decision that you both have made together, but if one person just flakes out and expects another to pick up the slack - that is very wrong.