Last night I laid awake in bed, thinking I would never get to sleep because I felt so miserable about the past and what I did to get myself in this mess. I've had many of such nights and it isn't fun at all. I've struggled through today but thankfully was distracted for a while by a bike ride with my mum. I wish the pain would end. I wish I could just wake up one morning and it would all be over. But the truth is, that doesn't ever happen. There's no magic pill to cure depression.

I can also relate to your feelings of loneliness and yet wanting to be alone. Depression does that to the mind. I'm sorry that your husband doesn't understand your feelings of unhappiness. The stigma around mental illness is everywhere, and it's a real shame. The good news is that this website is full of caring and supportive people; you can post about your pain without fear of being judged. I agree with pisces22 that a doctor/therapist may really help you fight against depression. Good luck.