hi lynne
I am sorry to hear you are struggling so. don't give up hope. I too lived a horrible life for 30 years battling depression and abuse and fearing I was going to be locked away...and then I did get locked up...but then I got on meds and they worked and I got stable and my life completely turned around. I no longer want to die every waking moment. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome