I was raise with religion, but I lost it as a teenager when my first boyfriend assaults me and my depression starts. I was bullied at church, at school by the students and staff. As a teenager I did attempt to end things, and when that didn't work I promised not to attempt again, for which I have kept this promise. As a teenager I was sent to a couple different therapists, and all they would do is threaten me with locking me away.

My depression wasn't too bad at this time going into my twenties, I got married but that was a mistake and a lie. He was verbally abuse and I was scared he was going to start physically abusing me, he was threatening to put me in a mental hospital. I really thought I found the love of my life and although we have been divorced for 7 yrs I haven't recovered.

After the divorce I tried to go out with people I thought were friend and as throughout my life, people I think are my friends aren't; they steal from me, lie, and are never there. Well, a couple years after the divorce I went on a date and the guy drugged me. I have always been careful to not leave my drink unattended, so not sure how it happened.

All my life I have had to battle health problems. I was stalked a few times in high school, plus assaulted, bullied, I get bullied at work now and that my boss has screamed and yelled at me. I tell HR but it doesn't matter. I am so alone at work and at home. All I do is go to work and then go home. I just try to keep to myself at work but that just isn't good enough. I say I want to learn and better myself but I am not allowed but yet my boss yells at me "Take Controls of Your Life!" It is so hard everyday, multiple times a day having thoughts to end yourself, trying not to act on them, not to cry and yet so scared to talked to anyone because you don't want to be locked away.

I am drowning in debt just to pay bills, I tried to find a cheaper apartment but everything around that is cheaper is not save as neighborhood or the building. I have an apartment I feel save at, so I can stay here, but still owe so much money, I do not eat every day. I work 50+ hrs a week, have no hobbies, suffer from terrible migraines. I know all this just compounds the issues…stress triggers depression more. I do not get to live, I am just trying to survive.