I don't know where to post this. Today has been a weird weird day. Everyday feels different, today's different. I feel confusion, like it's all meaningless but at the same time I feel like everyday should have meaning and I feel like I'm wasting time sitting or laying on my couch/bed all day and even sleeping. This has been my whole life. Before, it was school then home for 12 years. Now it's just me sitting at home all day. But I also feel like if I was in school and had a job, life would still be pointless. When I think about this I do feel a little anxious. I was watching a movie with my nieces and my sisters and the movie made me laugh sometimes but the whole time I was thinking that one day I'm not gonna be here and all my family isn't either and that just leaves me feeling empty. My head feels empty and just that thought floating around in my head. I don't think I'll ever be okay or how I used to be once. I'm just existing until the day I'm no longer here, that's all. I don't understand anything at all. My life used to have meaning, I wanted to go back to school and find a career in arts. I liked buying clothes, I wanted a boyfriend, I wanted to make friends, I liked listening to music, I wanted to watch new movies and go to new places now I don't want any of that. I think it's pointless. I think I'm having an existential depression. Right now, I'm not anxious like I was this morning or a few hours ago. :/ why and who made all of this. Why do I have to suffer, why can't I just ignore everything and live life like the rest of the human race. Why can't I not, not question life.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk