I feel like I can't manage the time for real help. My mother wouldn't watch her for me to be seen in an er because she'd be afraid they'd keep me, and she can't watch my daughter during the day because she works full time. We've had this conversation a few times. I'm officially not allowed to visit the er for mental reasons unless my daughter's at her father's house (and that's not a good environment for her). I managed to get about 7 hours of sleep in the last 24 (with no sleep medications or other non non prescribed sleep aids) and have slowed down physically quite a bit. I still feel unstable, like I'm on shaky ground, but I think I'm doing better for now. I was VERY irritable earlier, but I didn't let myself get out of control with anyone (it was difficult, too!). Idk, I'm scared that if I'm not completely honest, I won't get any help, but I'm also afraid honesty could get me a few nights in psych (occasional mild hallucinations, but I know they aren't there). I do feel less crazy today though. But, I was having fun so maybe I'm not thinking clearly... I don't know. Trying to distract myself from my thoughts at this point. Maybe I'll go write.

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