I have had a lot of self destructive relationships. I think it is because I'm codependent, at least that is what my therapist says. I end up falling for the person really fast and I alway think that 'this is the one.' I just got out of a relationship with a woman that I love very much. She knows everything about me and all of my 'diagnoses.' When we me first met 7 years ago we dated on and off, but being in the relationship scared me to death, so I pushed her away. We stayed friends. She was the only person I trusted. We both had our own relationships as we maintained our friendship. 18 months ago we decided to get back together and put work into the relationship. I was in rehab for 7 months and as always, she was my strength and I could never have done it without her. When I got out we got a house together and with her 8 year old son. Initially everthing was great, then are own insecurities started popping up and communication got really poor and things kept getting worse. She would express her needs and I thought that I was meeting them, but she felt as though I wasn't trying. There was no doubt that we loved each other. I started to feel worse because I continually felt like I was disappointing her and her son; that disappointment started taking me over and severe depression set in. She began to resent me for everything. She would get mad at things that never happened. Anyway, it got to the point where I had to leave. My therapist said that it was really toxic and that I had to figure out a way to get out. My therapist also said after we went in for a couples session that she didn't take responsibility for her part in our problems. So I did leave. We don't tal anymore and I guess it's for the best. She told me that I was never her friend and only used her over the years. I guess she is saying those things because I must have really hurt her.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is this women who I have a history with and who knew all of my problems couldn't deal with me. I really want to be in a relationship and experience all of the wonderful things that come with it. However, I'm constantly reading about how people with bipolar never have good relationships, that they end up having to live alone, that they have a shorter life expectancy, etc. I must say that as saddened as I am to have seen this relationship end, I have grown a lot from it and know what my triggers are and how to recognize them so that I am not so reactive.

I am really shy and it is hard for me to meet people. Plus with my lack of self esteem and a bunch of other things going on in my life I just feel incredibly hopeless. What I need is for someone to give me some good news about being bipolar and finding love. Maybe I won't, but it can't be as bad as I keep reading that those of us with bipolar can never have healthy relationships.

As I mentioned, I have a lot going on. I just need to hear/read something positive. I'm so alone because no one ever understands what I'm going through; I really don't have many people in my life anyway. She understood what I was going through, she was my friend. Idk, I just need people to talk to. I'm falling apart and it just isn't from the loss of the relationship. Please, any help is greatly appreciated.