I was told to post in this thread. I joined this forum after reading some of the posts and responses and I feel I might get help. You see what I have doe is so shameful that I cannot speak to anyone about it. I have also lost my job so I cannot afford therapy. I have been married for 14 years and I have a child. I started an emotional affair about four years ago and although it was a sexless relationship it was intense. I don't want it to sound like an excuse and I suppose all cheaters say this, but it was never meant to be an affair . I found great friendship in him. Due to issues of his own my partner decided to relocate to another city and took up a job there. I also gave up my job and was going to be filing for separation and relocating to the new place. My spouse didn't seem to mind or care. My marriage had lacked intimacy or companionship for almost ten years. Then suddenly my partner broke contact about four months ago. I went through hell first but now I realize what a wrong thing I had done starting another relationship before ending one. My partner was emotionally unstable, verbally abusive, narcissistic, egoistical and ambitious, I don't know why I stayed with him. The good moments were so few and I was really strained with the double life. Initially my mails and messages were ignored. One way I am glad it ended and I have not tried to contact him in the last two months.The problem now is that I cannot stop the feeling of guilt and regret. I keep obsessing over what I have done and though I know the clock cannot be turned back I waste my hours in lethargic remorse punctuated with a sense of panic when I realize how the job loss has affected me financially, The moment I get my job I have planned to move out but the burden of falling into a trap of this very selfish person and then coming out dead in all respects, is just getting to me. Please advise me as to what I should do and where in this forum my issue may be best addressed.