I am just sad, mad, depressed, and feeling every negative emotion there is. I hate how he drifts in and out of my life and leaves me confused. I suffer with depression and anxiety disorder, and when I met him he lifted my depression in a weird way and made me feel normal. I think I clung onto him for that reason. Instead of chasing him and wanting him I think I was just chasing my happiness and I think that is why it's hard for me to fully let go of him cause psychologically it's telling me "You are letting go of something that makes you happy and the only thing that makes you happy" Even though I DON'T like how he posses that much power over me. And I don't know why it's only him that makes me feel normal/ happy and not depressed about my life and where it's going.

But see he is the wrong person, cause he floats in and out of my life. The continuous cycle of him is coming on strong to me to the point where he acts like my boyfriend, and even asking me weird future questions of "us" And he says I am his "Best friend" his "Favorite person" "One of a kind" "Beautiful" and how much he loves me etc. I heard it all and then some. All he does is confess his love for me, and then out of nowhere he disappears and vanishes from my life. Doesn't call or text for weeks to months, and then he'll randomly pop up in my life again and does the same thing of acting all lovey dovey with me. It makes me confused cause then I think "Well if I am your friend then why don't you contact me other wise?" My friends are blaming me and saying "He comes onto you with hope and then you shoot him down, you are a great friend but you are too reserved with your emotions and feelings towards him that he thinks you don't like him anymore than a friend" "You push him away alot in a sense" "You rejected him alot" I understand I did, but I proved how much of a good friend I was to him. I helped him out so many times and I felt a deep connection towards him, but then he pulls the disappearing act and it leaves me feeling abandoned and I have abandonment issues and trust issues. I know I need to cut ties with him. I hate that he does that to me, but I am just so angry, sad, mad and depressed. I hate how he was back in my life 2 weeks ago and I was so happy, and then he vanishes and now I am back to being depressed.

I just don't understand? He literally acts like he's my boyfriend when he sees me, then he vanishes out of nowhere and I don't see him or talk, or text him for weeks to months. How do i let go? It's making me feel so low about myself! Any words of encouragement, advice or opinions are welcomed. Thank you for reading!