I can strongly identify with what you wrote. In the past, my mum also accused me of being “secretive” if I didn't divulge the details of my private affairs. For many years I told my parents almost everything about my life; this was after all what they expected/demanded. Very recently I realised that this, in part, enables them to continue exerting control over me. So I now I try hard to say avoid talking, in any detail about my life. I think this is better for both of us. Now, there is no simmering tension beneath the surface of our conversations, because we talk about neutral topics. I think that guilt is just another tool they use to manipulate and control, just as you say.

I agree with s4ndm4n2006, it seems that you are taking positive steps to address the situation. I think you should consider whether it is appropriate to call your parents everyday. In my view dramatically reducing the frequency of your calls will facilitate two changes: 1) it will take back some control and place it in your hands, that will emphasis that your interaction with them is voluntary now that you are an adult, 2) it will create space in their lives for other more healthy distractions. This might prompt them to step back from the situation and gain a different perspective. It will also give you some more space to emerge as your own person.

With regard to the holiday, good for you! You don't need your parents permission or blessing to take a holiday, nor do you need to consult them about it. They need to get used to that reality. I'm beginning to realise that toxic parents initially fight hard to preserve the status quota, but if change is forced upon them they are very adaptable. Their techniques for manipulation will just mutate into different and far more subtle forms