Thanks everyone, for your replies. I have my normal Tuesday session today. I also have off from work for the 1st day of Passover (I work for Jewish organization) so I have a lot of time to think about the upcoming session. And a lot of time to unpack in the new house, lol. In the last couple weeks, I have been walking into the session with "goal information." This "goal information" is basically just one thing that I choose to tell him that I really want him to know, but is very hard for me to say. It becomes my goal to get this one thing out. And of course, once I get this out, it opens things up a lot more. On one hand, I think this is a horrible method to use b/c I am very hard on myself-- so if I don't accomplish my goal, I'll hate myself until the day I do. On the other hand, it's a good method becaues it has been working for me. I am a firm believer in that things will come out once they're ready. The unconscious will let them go. I don't feel as if I'm forcing myself in this method. I trust myself and my unsconsious in knowing that when it is time for something to come out, it will.

Today my "goal information" is to tell him what I wrote in my orignal post when I started this topic-- to let me know that seeing him 2x per week is setting myself up for hurt because I won't be able to do it once my internship starts. But at the same time, I feel weak-- because I can't refuse the availability of the sessions now. Each week I have been letting him know, bit by bit, how much I need him.

Among certain words that I have difficult saying in therapy, is the word "you," when it is pertaining to him. I will say things like "I need this" or "I can become attached in situations like this." What I really mean is "I need you" and "I (have) become really attached to you." I told him that it is difficult for me to say this word because once I say it, it becomes real. Then he knows it, and I will be aware that he knows it. Using general terms for the word doesn't personalize it as much. It is a defense mechanism that keeps me a tiny bit more safe from my attachment to him.

I want to go into the session today with a paper bag over my head.