I'm running out of distractions. I don't want to bother the crisis line again today, but I also want to keep from self-harming... not sure what else to do right now. I even made a list of what I get out of the self-harm (complete with some shameful and embarassing things)... it's not helping the urges lessen. I should be able to do this, but I'm not sure I really want to. I think the gains from the self-harm are greater than the consequences or any shame from it right now... ugh. I think I'm a lost cause.