Quote:
Originally Posted by dilemma-girl
I don't know whether starting a new thread on this is right way to go. But I haven't been here for a few days 'cos of lack of time and privacy.
I am now working away from my BF. Things went on up and down and hit up when he said he will make things okay and try to behave better. This he said after a particularly good day together and we had a great time together (in all ways).
Now he is caught up with other issues and is behaving completely awfully. Asking me like, why I didn't marry someone else, how I can ask to marry him, that it is okay for him to leave because he had fun so far, etc.
I can't take it. I am keeping it together for my family's sake but is he right to treat me like trash for my past. I lost my virginity to someone I loved but other than that, I haven't moved beyond flirting/second base with anyone else. He says I've betrayed whom I'll marry and I have nothing to offer anyone except a family and kids.
I keep breaking away but I am so scared. The way he says I am not fit to love, that I have nothing to offer to my life partner. All this makes me so scared. To top this off, some people I flirted with have told him that I have had sex with him. He says that all guys keep telling it to him and refuse to believe me. I am dying inside hearing all this. I am so terrified. If I leave him, I am worried as to what will happen next, who'll say what.
My ex whom I loved a lot behaved the same way and left me for someone else. Now I keep fearing my BF will do the same and just leave me in an emotional mess. I am so scared  |
Ok, to start with, STOP beating yourself up!!!!! You are NOT the only person to lose their virginity to someone other than the person they happen to be with right now. Your bf has absolutely no right to put you down, look down on you, tell you that you have nothing to offer etc....in fact I would say HE'S THE ONE WITH ZERO TO OFFER. I mean it...he's acting like a real ***-hat!!!
Is it your bf who is telling you 'people you flirted with' are telling him you had sex with them? Is it the 'people' telling you? or your bf telling YOU that's what they said. Because if it's your BF telling YOU...then drop it in the bin where it belongs cause I'd bet the farm he's lying to you, to try to make you feel worse about yourself. Honestly, I can't see the same people you flirted with, taking you aside and saying, "oh, btw I told your bf you had sex with me." I mean....really? Who does that???? Exactly...NO ONE DOES THAT. So I seriously suggesting that in addition to you bf acting like a ***-hat he's a lying ***-hat.
Lastly, and this is to address your obvious self-esteem issues that your bf is not only NOT helping but if anything, he's using against you. Did it occur to you that the reason you're even with this current type of bf is because of the previous abusing bf? The one that left you? Unfortunately, when we are abused (and I have been) its easy to lose sight of the fact we deserve better, so the next jerk who shows up and realizes we're hurt, has no problem winning us over, and then the next thing we know...we're with the exact same kind of idiot we just managed to survive before.
IMHO you need to kick THIS bf to the curb, and then work on yourself....find the person I know you remember you used to be before jerk bf #1 and jerk bf #2. You have a LOT to offer a MAN who can appreciate you....value you for the wonderful person you are, love and care for you as you deserve.
Seriously. Either get away from this guy, or kick him to the curb. My choice would be the boot. He totally deserves it.
Take care
