Sorry for the separate message in quick succession, but needed to set it apart.

Feeling pretty awful tonight but too tired and too empty to do anything which I suppose is a good thing.

Feeling full of self hate and loathing. Glad that I'm finally getting help but hating the fact that I am too... I feel guilty about it, that I don't deserve it... and even worse that it won't last... that it will be taken away.

I want to die but I'm making excuses not too... I don't have the balls and feeling even more miserable for it.

Sorry.... just... yeah.

pretty damn pathetic.