Hi all and thank you for being here!
I have a serious problem that threatens to ruin my life...

I graduated few months ago, finally reaching my "official" job-hunting stage! But…I have a lifelong inner turmoil about what I want to do with my life. It SEVERELY interferes with what I need to do NOW. The general question is “art or science”. None of the things I've tried have done more than hiding the problem. Not even deciding to "just find a job and do what's left in my free time" has worked. It has become a psychological wall that doesn’t let me to move on. I fail to concentrate at the simple act of searching, my motivation and self-faith has hit the floor, and it's getting worse every day. I currently live with my parents in deep family debt, so you can figure how urgent it is to become "functional" in this area! (I'm not asking you to choose for me, just to help me unfreeze my brain…) I'm afraid to make my pick without being 100% certain. I need to invest most of my time in boosting my abilities and knowledge, whatever it is, and it's one of the reasons there's no way back.

Now, the “life story”. I’ve wanted to become an artist since I were little. Till today people say I have talent (most everyone, not just my mom...btw my drawings). But, I decided to go for Materials Science instead. The plan was to finish fast and study art next…only (1) I finished at my 26yrs instead, (2) I grew to enjoy the beauty and logic of science, taking art less seriously, (3) crisis hit Greece, so I shouldn’t cling on my cloud. The new plan was to submit for science jobs, and go for a post-grad if I couldn’t find any. I got an unpaid internship in Aerospace Industry (awesome), and mostly-unpaid artistic submissions at my free time. Zero money, Zero inner peace. Also, when I thought I were becoming a scientist at heart, I started [NSFW mild warning] fantasizing of random paintings during sex. Decorative ones, not even nudes [end of NSFW]. Which I still feel strange about and don’t know why it kept happening. I’m so confused about what I want to do, I don’t know how to handle it anymore. And the obsession doesn’t let me properly look for a job.

Now, what I want from a job...
-to cover up expenses (obviously)
-to challenge my creativity and logic (I can't live if I'm not evolving and learning, simply signing papers for 40 years would kill me)
-an ok environment
-to leave me some time for friends and family
-not to be in conflict with my character and beliefs (I’d not want to harm/use people)
-Recognition…sort of. I really look up to my successful relatives, most of which love their jobs and have done important things in their lives (my mother’s an arts teacher that always tries to help kids, my father’s life-work was to bring and sustain computer knowledge in the country, my gramps’ a grand trader, my aunt a doctor…you get it) So I dream of looking a bit like them, offering to lots of people, while doing something I love, and I’m proud of.

Do you have any ideas? E.g. potentially helpful questions to answer, or alternative ways of thinking? Anything may help...thanks again