Once I stopped being a picky child, I absolutely loved trying new foods. I also grew up with a delight for meals and being able to go out to eat. A lot of happy times are associated with gathering around food.

Then dietary restrictions hit. First lactose intolerance.

Then IBS hit (or whatever it is, idk, I just know that my guts hurt depending on what I eat)

I started binging. I've had a habit of self-harm I've been tryign to kick since I was little. I found myself eating and eating right before bed. I was also afraid of starving, hated going to bed hungry. Things were tough at home, never enough money or food that didn't hurt. It seemed like the pain could never go away.

I even ate things with cheese or milk on purpose, unable to stop myself even though I knew I was full.

Then I read 'Intuitive Eating' by Evelyn Tribole and learned a lot about managing healthy relationships with food and eating disorders.

I learned cutting out gluten really helps with the IBS.

A week or two ago I got really hungry. Nothing gluten free was left in my apartment, attempts to get roommates to cross over our diets so that the house has friendlier and healthier foods has not happened.

I find myself eating other people's food in the fridge and I try not to. I eat what I can. I eat what I shouldn't. They made cupcakes and cake not long ago. I ate 4 cupcakes in an hour, and I was hiding it.

.....Is this a development from the history of self-harm? I didn't know self-harm could turn into an eating disorder. Do I have an eating disorder?

How do you cope?

What do I do?