Oh this is really not good. I'm very sorry that you're feeling this way, and I doubt me commenting will help a whole lot, but I feel the need to anyway. First of all your husband-- That man seems like a waste of air. I could understand him dealing with the stress and burden of traveling for work so he can support you and the kids... and maybe he felt unappreciated and snapped... but even still that's completely uncalled for, and you deserve better. But those children are number one hun. As hard as it can be to cope with your own thoughts and ideas... you must be there for them number one. You're the foundation of their entire lives. What you do now-- it will be with them forever. I can see you suffer great but these babies are new to this life... you don't want to tarnish it for them before they even get out the door! Everything you do they see (no matter the age). Think of their futures. Will they stand proud and dote on their loving mother who pulled herself through her own psychological hell to give them the best life she could offer? Your strength will be instilled in your children and they will grow strong as well! --This next bit may be harsh... but it's brutal honesty. Would you want them to be scarred as they grow older because their mother gave up? They'd probably blame themselves for putting a burden on you. They would likely end up sad insecure adults inevitably dealing with the same problems you're feeling now accept they'll be crashing and wanting to escape. You wouldn't have posted here if you didn't care, if you weren't scared... put suicide out of your mind hun. Stick hubby on the back burner and you raise your babies to be the best they can be. You are strong and you are absolutely capable of pulling through this. Believe in yourself, and that you can do this. You hold more lives than one in your hands... You CAN do this. My heart is with you!!