It depends on what you (not them) allow to define you. Employment is certainly one of the most common ways people create an identity. But not having a job can also define a person. I've known unemployed people who were so wrapped up in finding a job that they seemed to be drowning in misery over it.

So maybe it has to do with feeling OK with who and where you are in life ... I have a SIL who does not work but defines herself as a mother to her adult son who has schizophrenia. I have a neighbor who gets disability but seems to defines himself as a helper - he does lots of nice things for people in the neighborhood. My husband retired early and doesn't apologize for spending his time as he wishes.

One thing is certain, whether we are employed or not and no matter the external appearances of someone's life, we ALL struggle at times.