Kind of weird to say it went well... but yeah, it put my mind at rest a bit. Was difficult yesterday, the guy that came had a tricky accent that I couldn't place (other than British) and I had a lot of trouble understanding him... which as I was finding it hard to concentrate anyway... was frustrating and my anxiety was rising. Not his fault, and I wasn't rude or anything... just felt miserable afterwards as the communication barrier didn't help matters.

Today it was a different guy... huge in a body builder kind of way and I felt dwarfed (I'm 6 foot and reasonably fit considering.... but yeah this guy was big)... slightly registered concern in my head... but then realised I was pretty much beyond caring, so just sat.

Wants me to see their psychiatrist as soon as possible, that once I've been to work tomorrow and I know where the land lies with regards to reduced hours sooner rather than later... or that I can book time off, to let whoever comes to see me tomorrow know so they can get a slot for me.

Advised that I should also proceed with booking an appointment with the psychiatrist my gp has referred me to... that as the crisis team is a short term thing, I will need to see that psychiatrist for continuity and to review my medication.

He wants me to call the crisis team at any point I'm struggling... and that I only have to say I'm struggling if I'm uncomfortable... asked me if I was ok with that.

I just nodded... I do sort of have a problem... that whenever I've called anyone it's been due to anxiety... suicidal thoughts/intention and self harm however are very private at the point they happen (and oddly I'm quite calm and just feeling nothing when they happen) and things that I only see myself as dealing with. Way I see it is a case of I will or I won't (and thus far it's been the latter obviously re dieing)... but to call to me feels stupid... it feels like by telling someone... then I clearly wasn't serious... and therefore wasting their time.... felt like crap as that's pretty much what occurred Friday night... and suddenly an ambulance was at my door I guess I didn't quite twig to the impression I was giving to the woman at focussline, but she made a decision and yeah.

This seems totally logical to me.... my wife disagrees Not sure if any here understands where I'm coming from.

I can talk quite plainly to people (here and to my wife, gp etc) about it post event... but during, I just don't talk to anyone.

Oh he seemed surprised that not once have I been referred to the community mental health team for outpatient care. Told him about my basic experiences up to this point (similar to Originalme) and that as such my gp has gone the go it alone route as he'd tried referrals to the crisis team previously and had been knocked back. He looked slightly bemused but I don't think he said anything else on that front.