trying again today with distractions, but there is only so much I am finding helpful. I've bounced around on PC for the last way too many hours... tried the music again, tried the animals, tried the art... really need the crisis chats to open up because I'm once-again at the end of my resolve... ugh. this struggle seems way too intense and never-ending. Had a brief respite from it all while I slept for about an hour and a half, but it faded fast when I woke up. Still trying to remind myself I can try to get what I get from the sh in other ways, but not finding them right now is making things tough... wishing I could again talk to the people at a specific crisis center, but theri chats are not manned over the weekend, and I don't think I could make the call... speaking is infinitely more difficult than typing...