Hi, so I just joined and not really sure how this works so, be kind! Um, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD last year and I have been on a waiting list to see a psychologist for like 7 months now.
I used a be an aid worker and lived/worked in refugee camps in Sudan, Afghanistan, Iran/Iraq, Eritrea etc. I witnessed and suffered pretty horrific things over the 5 years that I did this.

My question is that now I am back in the UK, trying to live normally and be "normal" again it is very difficult. I found that covering my student room in pictures, maps and photos of my work made me feel better and reminded me of all the good things but I find that I can't move on and I can't leave all the bad bits behind me.
I have this odd relationship now with all my stuff. If I have my pictures and drawings etc on the walls and while they are up I don't look at them properly - it's like my eyes scan over them - and I just carry on with this ptsd weight that is with me when my eye catches something on the wall.. So, I tried taking them down. I took down all the pictures and gifts and stuff and my room just had my ordinary painted walls and a few posters and I couldn't be in the room. I was just thinking all the time about my work and my triggers and everything. I just couldn't do it, it was like I was forgetting a part of myself. Like I was packing away a bit of my own heart..

So anyway, I was wondering if anyone had some insight into why I can't be without all the things that make me feel so bad? Have I defined myself by my experiences? I'm stuck and confused and feel that while I live in this past world I will never move forward, but by moving on I am breaking myself in two..