Hello again Bhugz and Nowheretorun,

I'm getting off the original topic a little but Nowhere's story and heartfelt offer is so true. I used to wonder why even as an adult I felt so different to others. I have a bosom buddy in a chick I met in NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). The ward is divided into 7 bays, 1 being closest to the door out of there and 7 being the most intensive, one on one nursing for prem and sick babies. Our babes were born on the same day her little one was transferred in from another hospital for the higher care rating. We met in bay 7 and of course in the maternity ward where, both caeser patients we would hobble down the halls to NICU. I buried her precious baby 10months later. She totally lost perspective on life and got into substance abuse, risky behaviour etc. She was disturbed that "regular" people just didn't know what was important in life. How come we went where we did and apprear to be so screwed up and over in the process, though we would never go back. That is we are who we are via the process/struggle/tragedy whatever the case may be.

So I shared my river analogy with her and she gets it the way I do, maybe it make sense to you guys too.

Essentially in life there are folks living either side of a river. We all came from the one side initially. Some of us had the misfortune to find ourselves swimming for our lives having fallen into the river. Drowning even. She and I love the term "drowning not waving!" Folks on the original side see you and wave. Folks on the other side, only got there through the same misfortune and via the struggle reach the bank. When they see you in the water they KNOW you are drowning, not waving. They can coach you etc but the only way up the bank is through personal effort. Some folks will wash back to the first bank and get out, only to fall in again, though some never fall in. Should you find got out of the water on the other side, while you may feel isolated from your loved ones still waving from the other side, you are however changed by the experience, as horrific as that may have been. In summary I have my misery prayer "God don't make me grow anymore, it hurts too much when I grow!" Though of course these days I pray my lessons come without suffering and that I wish to be an amiable student. Surely pain need not be an essential ingredient? So with our eyes wide open and our hearts too we can learn with enthusiasm and less anguish. Learn about ourselves without touching bottom in the process.

More clear as mud eh?

Anyway I wanted to share my story coz it helps me get a handle on the "other" folk. The one's whose experience has been blissfull as I figured mine would be: hubby, house, 2.5 kids & the dog.

At work the other night I was approached by a gentleman in the wee hours complaining of the noise from guests in another room. I was aware of a woman and two teens in the hall and the rec room and figured it was them. Apparently he had complained the night before about other guests. I thought he was a sensitive sleeper. He was rather agro and insisted he would call the police if he was distrubed again. Appealling to his sensiblilities I suggested he call me first if he was disturbed again. Later when I heard a door I went to investigate. The afore mentioned woman was in the hall and when I gestured finger to lips to be quiet she called me over. I attended and she appealled to me to talk to her daughter. A minor though noisy domestic was in progress. The mother was beside herself and very much the child herself when managing a teen. With a cup of tea and a muffin in the lounge, we chatted about parenting and the like and she calmed somewhat. I also spent some time in the room with the teen and then anxiously waited to hear if there where to be more eruptions through the night. The first fellow whom complained would not have been the only guest disturbed as he was 5 rooms down the hall!

Long story ...what got up my nose was his inflammatory manner and expectation that his night was the only night there was. The woman we could consider as uneducated and lacking in parenting skills but none the less doing what she could. She was tired, stressed and had a no win thing going with the daughter. I slipped an apology under his door and suggested as they and he were in house for another week he might prefer to transfer rooms in the morning, which he did. I thought how the woman and child were insenitive to the other house guests and the fellow was pigheadedly insensitive to others experiencing anxiety too. [censored] happens. It certainly does, turns out he deteriorated the following day and was taken by ambulance and had emergency surgery that evening. Little wonder he was such a restless sleeper.

What am I saying? Essentially we all travel with our ME experience happening. When we widen the aperture we can see a web of interactions, none in isolation. It goes on, I suggested we send flowers to the hospital. Why? I was asked by one of the receptionists. Coz he was taken by ambulance from our hotel and it seems reasonable we would convey our best for his recovery. They put chocolates in his room instead!! Like he can eat them??!!

[censored] happens doesn't it? Drowning not waving stuff is going on all around us and we are like soldier ants on our own mission. Unless of course you got out on the far bank and know the struggle personally and sufficiently well to recognise it in others.

So Bhugz, you are not alone where ever you are in your head. Do not be afraid ...be inspired. If you think your struggle is bigger than you can manage, GET HELP. Use strategies, oh I know I use that word a lot but truly the stuff we are dealing with is the irrational and it helps to apply some rational to it. Have a look at this one, I love it.

Autobiography: In Five Short Chapters*
~ Portia Nelson

http://www.rogerebsen.com/openmind/c...rs/autobio.htm

Oh dear I have written too much again!!!!
Regards Frances