Quote:
Originally Posted by JosephineM
I donīt trust men anymore. I am 31, in month 32 years old, transgender and very disappointed with men in trust and sex life. Men in my country are very selfish, goal of sex is their orgasm, if I had orgasm - they donīt care at all. And I am tired of that. I am tired of them to not understand, that I wouldnīt wear make up, skirts, heels etc., that I wonīt be fulfilling their sexual fantasies. I liked sex very much, I masturbate a lot, because I simply need that, as much as men. I have several vibrators. But men here are very sexist.
I take pills for deppression and pills for sleep. I am bipolar, donīt like talking with people much, I have very intellectual hobbies. I have social phobia, anxiety issues, I am hard introvert, I read a lot. I donīt like being among people, but I miss human touch, manīs body, with that problem, that I wish to be man myself. I donīt feel like a woman, I hate my womanīs body and I like men (but mainly "older" men to add to "fun of my life" - I love Alan Rickman and Robert Carlyle e.g.). I never was on men my age.
I am overweight, not attractive in any way. I didnīt date on high school, I never dated normally, I had sexual relationships and one of them grew to be normal from his initiative and even lasted 3 years. But I really have no idea, how to function in relationship.
I donīt believe that anyone will ever love me.
Sorry for english, itīs not my mother language. I am from Czech republic.
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Hello JosephineM: I'm sorry you're experiencing such despair. (By the way, I'm a 66 year old male. And, although I never transitioned, I've always felt female inside.) So we have something in common! I post quite a bit in the Transgender forum. You can read my posts there if you want to.
I know from many of the posts I have read here on PC that there are many people here who feel they will never be loved. I think it is often a part of depression. I am fortunate in that I am married, although since I am transgendered, being married does also present its own problems.
You wrote that your hobbies are intellectual. Would you care to share some of what they are? There are many wonderful people here on PC. Of course, it's not real life. But it's not bad either. I spend allot of time here and get great satisfaction from the interaction I have with other PC'ers. I hope you will find the time you spend here to be beneficial too.
