(((sunnyfan))),

I was very much like you are describing myself too, I felt very disconnected and distant from my family and I did not understand "why" that was happening. Unfortunately,
no one even explained to my family "why" I was struggling and how to be understanding and supportive either, they were not supportive and it only made me worse.

Now that I look back I realize that what was challenging me the most was "unresolved emotional challenges" and it really took me time to get to a point where I could begin to get a handle on that challenge too. I have been a member of PC for a while now, met a lot of different members struggling with PTSD too, and all of them were struggling with some very deep emotional challenges, many of whom had a history of emotional hurts and inadequate nurturing to help them too.

When someone presents with PTSD they look for a "rescuer" and they have a strong need to be held and comforted somehow. Even veterans that come home from war and present with PTSD want that too, only they don't know how to verbalize it, and often they are "afraid" to verbalize it too. They even have some very weak moments where they "cry deeply" too. There are also times where they struggle with anger, have a desire to "act on something" but are not really sure how to do that.

What you are experiencing right now, the disassociation, that is your brain trying to slow down and protect itself because there is no way you can address "all" the emotional challenge at once, it would just overload your brain. Then, when you do work on it, it "is" tiring and that brings on that feeling of being depressed.

While it would be "nice" to find a way to avoid this big challenge with the emotional, unfortunately, as you have found out, it just comes out anyway. And as you work on healing you will begin to recognize the different ways you are now very sensitive too. Until you get a handle on it, it is going to be hard to "express the emotions" you used to express too, for example normal "attachments and trusts in others" are a challenge. Or, even feeling that others are capable of understanding you and giving you the right support is a challenge too.

None of this challenge is "your fault" or "anything you are doing wrong" either, it doesn't mean you are unworthy in anyway either, or that you will not have others understand it. It feels like that because of how people do not understand PTSD, but with time and help from your therapist, that "can" eventually come.

I wish I could say that it is "easy" to get better with PTSD, but that is not true, it takes patience and each person is different depending on what they have as a trauma as well as what kind of support they had in the past too. You really need to be "patient" and take it one day at a time, there is no way out but "through" and each person is unique with that depending on what their life experiences have been.

A good book to get and read is "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman, it explains the three stages of healing, you are in the first stage and you will need to "as I mentioned" be very patient with this stage. You will make gains, you just need to be patient and yes what you are describing are normal symptoms in the first stage of trauma work.

When you need to vent, ask, or just share where you are you can always come here and we will do our best to support you and help you as you stay on your track for healing.

Meditation "is" very helpful as it helps you get out of the hyper
aware state of mind, and into a calmer state of mind. Also if you need to nap, that is ok too.

(((Supportive Hugs)))
OE