I don't want this. I want to understand what is going on. Regardless of whether that means I have a diagnosis or just a series of symptoms, I would like to freaking understand myself. That's what I am trying to do. It's making me frustrated that some people think I "want" this diagnosis. No! I want to understand myself. Sometimes a diagnosis opens your eyes to better understanding and a more clear direction towards healing. That's how it was for my PTSD and my ADHD. They were eye-opening because I finally understood. I wasn't just "weird" or "different" or "weak". I had something I could point to that helped me understand. This is the same way.