Wow - thanks for much for the very helpful insights ! I was thinking I was asking more along the lines of "how does this behavior fit into the Dx, or actually, how it doesn't fit"....and not only did I get explanations about both, I can truly "see" what you mean. Since the son was the child she "wanted" and the daughter was the child she "got". SHe does not allow my son to discipline her son, but of course he can discipline his daughter. (The son is not my son's child) Yes, the son is obviously her favorite, and as so clearly explained to me by those responding, I understand she could be actually not "seeing" the son's misbehavior since he is her favorite.

Her rages are directed at everyone in her life except the son, and her boss. She can be nice, polite one minute, and screaming curse words the next without missing a beat. She wants every single second of my son's day accounted for, and heaven help him be 2 minutes getting home from work. Now he is drinking to "take the edge off her rages". Neither are receptive to counseling.

Direction - I love the Nanny shows and have encouraged them to watch the show, to no avail. I am learning how to cope with the grandson who misbehaves, but I am not allowed to discipline him either. I have put him in time out once , and heard about it for weeks. I actually had the 3 year old help me make a rewards chart, discuss it with him, he was excited, but his Mom wouldn't even put it up.

Again, thanks ! I truly "get it" now, thanks to the great explanations, and I so appreciate it.