Quote:
Originally Posted by depressedalaskan
(((Whoaminoone))) I have to agree with jewekz105 if you can do it. As for myself I know where you are at. I understand every word. I would try to talk to your husband again. This time listen to what he has to say. You might find out how hard it is for him to understand where you are coming from. Depression is hard enough for us to understand muck less getting someone else to understand. After he gets done talking it is your turn. You both need to talk not scream at each other. Your husband is your best friend. Also men do need sex, if you can give him a little. With your children take your time. You can take care of them. Idea that might help. Make a list that you can follow for the day. Get children up, feed children breakfast, feed children lunch and so on. My list: get out of bed, take meds, brush teeth, fix lunch, watch Law and order, take meds, watch the news, and so on. If I need to do something else for the day I add it to my list. In my case I have never finished it all. But I add what I didn't finish to the next day.
I really wish you all the luck in the world.
|
I want to respond to the part about my husband being my "best friend" and how I should "give him a little" in particular.
My husband is not my best friend. He is actually a large part of my 'problem'. As stated earlier, he is out of state on business...and for that I am thankful. You see, he is of the mindset that our marriage license is essentially a title of ownership...such as with a registered dog or horse. When he is around, there is no "choice" when he decides he wants sex. I can go through the motions willingly or he will take what he wants by force and 'remind' me that it's part of my duty as a wife. He knew of my history of childhood abuse and he took advantage of that knowledge. I am not blind to what he is or what he's done to me...but I know no other way of life. The unknown is much more terrifying than what I've learned to expect.
As for making a list of things to accomplish daily...I think you may have a good idea there. I don't know how successful I will be, but maybe being able to check even basic things (shower, feed kids, etc) off will help me to get through each day with some slight sense of accomplishment.
I do appreciate your thoughts, along with everyone else's that chose to respond. I know I am in a very bad place right now mentally. I am just trying to make it through each day for my kids. I know I'm not much good to them in my condition, but I also know they wouldn't understand why I chose to end my life if I followed through on that. The last thing I want is for them to think they were at fault in any way whatsoever.