My depression isn't the same as yours, but I have spent considerable amounts of time with a flattened affect. I have also had the joy sucked out of life by constantly nagging and obsessive negative thoughts. I can remember shadows of this illness very early on in my childhood. I am almost 32 years old now.

I was only recently diagnosed and prescribed medication. For the first time in a long time I find myself smiling randomly. I also had some very good times and moments in the long run up to my 30s. I knew it was possible to feel good, but almost everything was tinted by a sort of existential melancholia punctuated by episodes of extreme depression. For the first time ever, I am coming to see that this wasn't some objective fact I had uncovered about life, but a state of my mind and brain. What I am saying is, things can and will get better.

And please do seek out the help of a therapist and psychiatrist.