I've been following this thread and everything you say rings so true for me as well. Like you I don't have a BPD diagnosis but have been told I have traits of BPD. The difference with us is that I have self harmed- as a teen briefly until I was hospitalized and put on meds, and now as a woman in my 40's - after a particularly stressful time and a change of meds.

Once the self harm started again my pdoc got me a T who specializes in DBT right away and she's been great. I was so afraid to admit to both her and my pdoc the true nature of my symptoms too because I was also aware of the stigma surrounding BPD traits, and I finally got the nerve up to talk to them both about this. Both told me not to buy into what you read online. They both also were adamant that I didn't have a real BPD diagnosis, but do have traits. So I think it is so important that you tell your T everything you are telling us here. That is what she is there for and would be more upset that you're afraid to tell her than by your symptoms.

One thing that is important to know is that many other mental health diagnoses share symptoms with personality disorders. People with ADHD (and Aspergers) for example tends to have problems regulating emotions, difficulty with identity (due to lack of focus and follow through). People with trauma also can have the traits you describe, but they are not all Bordeline. I think so many people (especially women) who seek mental health services have some traits consistent with BPD. But Ts can't possibly diagnosis everyone with some traits as borderline, and save the label for the most severe of cases - and those cases can be very severe.

But whether you do have the diagnosis or not doesn't diminish the significance of what you're experiencing or make it any less troublesome for you. If your T is experienced with DBT then she is the ideal person to share all of this information with. She sounds great and I bet she will know how to help you. You just have to let her help you by taking a risk and being completely honest with her. I don't know if you'd need a DBT group it could be too intense (my T thought it wouldn't be a fit for me because I was less extreme than some people in the groups. Maybe a class on the skills or just sessions with your T focusing on it. She probably has handouts and could give you homework. She can give you all this with out a formal diagnosis. Honestly, the diagnosis won't add much in terms of insurance purposes - you just need relief from your symptoms. If you present all of what you are saying here to your T, she may diagnose you with BPD or might not. Regardless I think she will still discuss it with you and help you as best she can.