I have been seriously considering writing a letter and sending it out to everyone.

I am so sick of the gossip and mind games and lies and manipulations and incompetence taking place and my not being able to JUST GIVE THE TRUTH and tell MY SIDE.

I am tired of having the bad behaviors of others end up dumped in my lap to where I am mistreated, misunderstood and unfairly judged and end up suffering losses because of how others are careless, incompetent, or negligent.

I have been trying to get a veterinarian to write up a report for my new lawyer so my case doesn't get thrown out and I have been trying to get him to do this for over 4 months now. His secretaries told me to call him on his cell and bug him, I told them I didn't like doing that because he is such a busy man. He has told me several times now that he will get it done by a certain day only to not follow through. The last time I called him to see if he got it done he yelled at me and it triggered the PTSD so badly.

This is something that should have been taken care of by my ex lawyer years ago when this vet could remember better and actually have "more" time to do a report because there would have been much more time for him without me bugging him now when my case is down to the wire where I have to have this stuff done.

I never was able to finish being deposed by the opposing side either. This lawyer kept saying how little she knew about horses and was trying to learn. She was getting help from someone in the horse world and this someone also told her "gossip" about me that was not true.

She should have never been allowed to ask my husband if we were separated either. That was not anything she could have looked up either. That was all gossip spread by that trainer that was severely neglecting his children, that was way back in '97 and my neighbors did not even know us or live next door until three years after that. None of my neighbors knew about that, and that trainer spread horrible lies about me around the show circuit. I had to go to the horse shows to protect "my" child because of how this trainer insisted on standing at the gate with his arms crossed and glaring at "my" child to try to intimidate her while she tried to compete on her horse. Only further proving his disrespect and willingness to abuse "children". He is a horrible, horrible person and he also crippled every horse that he got his hands on too.

I should not have to not only endure witnessing everything I loved destroyed because of someone's negligence and then develop PTSD and sit in a deposition that my ex lawyer made ALL ABOUT HIMSELF the way he did giving those long dissertations about himself and then I literally BEG him to stay on top of the opposing sides effort to finish deposing me and because he is SO DEMENTED he fails to keep track of the opposing sides efforts to schedule several depositions.

And because my new attorney tried to fix my case my ex attorney will get away with all that?

I can't sleep at night, I am in so much pain in my arms and chest I wake up in pain and I wake up wanting to "cry" every single day.

If I am going to walk away with nothing because of INCOMPETENCE AND GOSSIP and POLITICS that don't even BELONG IN MY CASE AND IN MY FACE, then AT LEAST, if I write a letter showing THE TRUTH about EVERYONE'S PART IN all this crap being thrown at me that is WRONG, UNFAIR, ABUSIVE then AT THE VERY LEAST I WILL WALK AWAY WITH THE "TRUTH" out there.

What is happening to me is very wrong and all it has been doing is constantly RETRAUMATIZING ME, and making the PTSD more and more crippling. My body is in constant pain now and honestly, this is literally "killing me" and it is not right. If I do die because my body gives out AT LEAST THE TRUTH WILL BE OUT THERE.

I have done "nothing wrong", I have always been an honest caring and good person who was the ONLY ONE willing to step up and stand up for others too. I was a good mother, and an extremely "patient" wife and the only thing I am guilty of is actually "caring" and trying to help the other people around me that had challenges.

I had two people that both had dyslexia and a husband who also had compulsive ADHD, I did everything I could to reach out for help so I COULD HELP MY OWN LITTLE FAMILY do the best they could in spite of their challenges. My husband has been sober for almost 25 years and he helps others who struggle with alcoholism get sober and on the right path too. My daughter is a kind and patient and "thoughtful" young woman too, and she notices when others struggle and reaches out to them, SHE HAS BEEN MORE OF A TRUE HORSE WOMAN WITH A GENUINE RESPECT FOR THE ANIMAL AND THOSE WHO WANT TO BE GOOD HORSEMEN then all these dam gossipy horse trainers who only worry about who likes who and who is winning more than who as well as all the veterinarians that are the same way.

And none of them respect or like the horse trainer I left and reported for abusing/neglecting his own children. The children who stayed with him ended up all messed up, and now they are very messed up adults with all kinds of problems. I am sure his children are that way too. When he is on the show grounds everyone turns away from him in disgust.

So I have to be deposed by a lawyer that knows nothing, has no idea how really bad it all is, and QUESTION ME because of some 'GOSSIP THIS HIDEOUS MAN SPREAD ABOUT ME? And I don't even get to DEFEND MYSELF??? and TELL MY SIDE?????

I have had it with people who need to "blame me" for THEIR PROBLEMS.

I am so tired, I DESERVE TO HEAL, I don't deserve to suffer because of how NEGLIGENT and SELFISH other people are.

My new lawyer is involved in that world too and THAT IS NOT HELPING because of the WHO LIKES WHO AND WHO DOESN'T LIKE WHO crap and opinions different people have about her too.

Honestly, I would like to haul all these different people into that court room and point to every single one of them and PUBLICLY SHAME THEM.

Even my new lawyer needed to gossip about a veterinarian I had out to help me with a pony that never recovered from colicing because of how my neighbor's dog ran around her paddock scaring her so much that she got very sick. It ended up damaging her intestines that never fully healed right. This woman veterinarian was so patient and nice to me. She was also beautiful, and unfortunately became a victim of a vet she worked under who threatened if she left him he would ruin her.

I am tired of the way people tend to "blame" the wrong person,"the victim", be it me or anyone else.