It's like there's an argument going on between adult me who knows I'm allowed to say it and the child me who is afraid to. I often regress to feeling like a child in T...

I am so sick of the power of unspoken words. I rang Samaritans, talked about the burden of silence, whispered it, hung up and cried hysterically. Then I phoned my T and left him a fairly nonsensical voicemail about how I'd said "it" out loud. Now I'm just feeling kind of ridiculous.

Sidenote: I actually prefer it if my T DOES respond as otherwise I imagine he's thinking all sorts of awful things.