Hi guys, I'm Highwater and I just signed up because of an acute problem that's been dragging me down for days. It's freaking me out and I'm wondering if anyone has experience with something similar and can lend me some insight. If this is the wrong place to put this topic I apologize--I browsed everything and couldn't figure out the best spot for it.

I've had issues with depression and anxiety my entire life--paranoia, feelings of hopelessness, never really got the hang of making friends so I had no support network. Mostly I just sort of dealt with it by detaching--playing lots of video games and writing lots of stories and basically ignoring everything else except the bare minimum of responsibility. These problems have kept me from working and past high school I experienced a general "failure to launch" because I felt like I couldn't handle the pressure of being an adult.

I managed to force myself to start college last year (I'm 24) and finished my second semester about a week ago. I was feeling really down and anxious all semester but I figured summer break was going to help. Unfortunately things got worse.

A few nights ago I was hit with the sudden irrational thought of "I'm going to die on June 16th." To be clear, this was NOT a suicidal impulse--I experienced it less like a desire and more like a premonition, like there's going to be some sort of horrible accident or I'm going to have a heart attack and die. But I've been known to have irrational fears before, and I recognize the thought as silly. It's not founded in any kind of evidence or logic.

The problem is that it won't. Leave. My. Head.

Instead of just floating through my mind and then going out the other ear, it embedded itself right away and stayed there. I'm now interpreting basically everything that happens around me through this lense that says I'm about to die and nothing matters. I'm going around trying not to show on the outside what's happening in my mind, but I keep having crying spells and getting really angry at everyone who tries to talk to me about anything because there's this sense that it's all pointless.

The worst part is that I KNOW it's nonsense, but it's like it's just stuck in the back of my brain and I can't seem to get it out. It's worsening my depression, making me sloppy with everything I do, and keeping me from focusing 100% on anything. I've prayed, cried, raged and meditated and it's just not going away.

What is this? I've never heard of this as a symptom and don't know how to categorize it or relate to it. I'm desperate enough that I'm preparing to schedule a therapy appointment tomorrow, but I need this to stop NOW and I'm confused out of my mind.